When Stress Is More Than Stresss
Some stress is part of growing up. But when it keeps building, it can turn into something more. Here are the signs to watch for, including one parents often miss, and how to help your child feel supported.
Every October, World Mental Health Day reminds us to check in on the people we love. For parents of student athletes, that check-in starts with a hard question: is my child just busy and stressed, or is something more going on?
Some Stress Is Part of Growing Up
A big test, a touch practice, a tryout coming up. Some stress is normal, and some is even helpful. It pushes kids to prepare and shows them they can handle hard things.
Think of stress like a backpack. Kids can carry a reasonable load. The problem starts when the backpack keeps getting heavier, and they never get a chance to set it down. Between school, practice, games, friendships, and everything else, many kids today are carrying more than we realize.
When Stress Starts to Build
When stress builds past what a child can manage, it often shows up sideways. Watch for:
Irritability. Snapping at siblings, short fuses, overreacting to small things.
Pulling away. Spending more time alone, skipping time with friends, going quiet at dinner.
Sleep changes. Trouble falling asleep, waking up a lot, or, sleeping much more than usual.
Losing the fun. A sport or activity that used to love now feels like a chore.
Anyone of these on a hard week is normal. A pattern that lasts for weeks is worth paying attention to.
The Sign Parents Often Miss
Perfectionism is easy to overlook, because it can look like a good thing. The child who redoes homework three times, can’t let go of one mistake in a game, or panics over an A - may look like they’re thriving. Sometimes they’re working very hard to keep anxiety under control. If your child seems to be holding themselves to an impossible standard, that’s worth a closer look, even if their grades and stats look great.
Look Beyond the Behavior
When a child is irritable or withdrawn, it’s natural to respond to the behavior itself. But behavior is usually a signal that something underneath needs attention. Instead of asking “Why are you acting like this?”, try asking yourself, “What might my child need right now?” Maybe it’s rest. Maybe it’s a lighter schedule. Maybe it’s someone to talk to.
Starting the Conversation
You don’t need the perfect words. A few that help:
“You’ve seemed really tired lately. How are you doing, really?”
“I’ve noticed you haven’t been as excited about practice. What’s that been like for you?”
“You don’t have to figure this out on your own. I’m here.”
Then listen more than you talk. If they don’t open up the first time, that’s okay. Keep the door open, and try again another day.
When to Get Help
If the signs last more than a few weeks, get in the way of school, sleep, or friendship, or your gut is telling you something is off, it’s time to bring in a professional. Reaching out early isn’t overreacting. It gives your child support before stress turns into something harder to manage.
If you’re wondering how much your athlete is carrying right now, our free Total Load Check is a good place to start. https://optimal-athletic-zone.kit.com/8c0ee5ec87
About OAZ
We believe that by connecting mental wellness with peak performance strategies, we can raise happy, healthy, resilient kids—all while optimizing how well they perform on the field.
I am Sue Sugarman, L.C.S.W., B.C.D, Certified in Mental Health of Elite Athletes by the International Olympic Committee. As a therapist, athlete, and sports mom, I founded Optimal Athletic Zone (OAZ) to support youth athletes beyond the game. With Becca Klapper M.Ed, M.A., CMPC, on our team, we help kids build confidence, handle pressure, and enjoy their sport again.
We support kids and families from all walks of life.
