A coach once told me about a 14 - year old who stopped making eye contact at practice. He figured she’d lost interest. She hadn’t. She’d been lying awake before every game for a month and didn’t know how to say it.
Most coaches will see that at some point an athlete whose “attitude problem” is really anxiety, or whose slump is really something deeper. You don’t need to diagnose it. You do need to notice it, and know what to say next.
Why you see it first
You spend more hours a week with your athletes than most any adult outside their families and you see them under pressure. Changes often show up at practice before they show up at home or in the classroom.
What to watch for
Look for a change that lasts, not one bad day:
An athlete who was engaged turns flat, irritable or withdrawn for more than a couple of weeks
Dreading practice they used to love, or a sudden “I don’t care”
Harsh self-talk after mistakes: “I’m useless,” not “I missed that turn”
Stomaches, headaches, or trouble sleeping before competition
Pulling away from teammates
Performance dropping with no physical explanation
What to say
Talk privately, never in front of the team: “I’ve noticed you seem different lately. How are you doing?
Then listen. Don’t rush to fix it, don’t minimize (everyone gets nervous), and don’t make it about performance (“we need you at the game”)
If they open up, thank them. Let them know you’ll help them find support, and bring in their parent’s according to your program’s policy
If an athlete, mentions hurting themselves, or not want to be here, it’s not a wait-and-see moment. Follow your program’s protocol, contact parents right and call or text 988.
You don’t have to have the answer
Your job is to notice, ask and know who to call. Sorting out whether an athlete needs mental skills or clincial care is where we come in. Optimal Athletic Zone helps families and programs figure out what kind of help and athlete actually needs, and we run sessions for coaching staff on recognizing and responding to athletes who are struggling.
If a sessionlike that would help your program, email me at sue@optimal-athletic zone.com.
The example above is a compsite. Names and details have been changed and combined to protect privacy.
About OAZ
We believe that by connecting mental wellness with peak performance strategies, we can raise happy, healthy, resilient kids—all while optimizing how well they perform on the field.
I am Sue Sugarman, L.C.S.W., B.C.D, Certified in Mental Health of Elite Athletes by the International Olympic Committee. As a therapist, athlete, and sports mom, I founded Optimal Athletic Zone (OAZ) to support youth athletes beyond the game. With Becca Klapper M.Ed, M.A., CMPC, on our team, we help kids build confidence, handle pressure, and enjoy their sport again.
We support kids and families from all walks of life.
